i am done looksmaxing, girlbossing, and being pretentious. everything has felt so heightened and accelerated in the last year. i just want to get back to me.

birthday post?

one of my friends, amran, who has known me since i was 15, told me i am the perfect amalgamation of the best parts of somali and american culture. she said this frankensteining of vibes is foreign to both somalis and americans, yet that’s what she’s always loved about me.

i’m this strange, unfamiliar, beautiful alchemy of disparate influences, yet i couldn’t see that. i lost a lot of weight in a super unhealthy way to accelerate getting the things i thought i wanted: better metrics, a relationship, the career i believe i deserve, etc. i sat out on my own life for 2+ years for this perfectionist plot that isn’t real. it made me an incredibly reactionary person in the process. i was good enough all along but i couldn’t see that. i was beautiful. i was successful. but none of that even matters because i was born worthy of basic human dignity and love. i don’t need to earn that from others, much less myself.

me, last summer.

i am hovering close to underweight now. i got some edge to me because i stopped playing nice with everyone. i got male attention. i’ve gotten to wear cooler fashions in the last year. etc. etc. etc. none of it feels that good. my hair, until recently, was falling out. i was so vitamin-deficient at some point i almost had brain damage. i glow’d up so hard and so fast that i am in an active glow down. but it doesn’t matter because i’m me. i’m princess babygirl. i’ve retained my essence.

-princess babygirl